Even when you’ve been given a new lease on life it is sometimes difficult to remember to appreciate this gift. As I continue to heal both physically and emotionally from my recent double mastectomy, I’ve noticed some days are definitely easier than others.
I’ve also noticed that having a positive attitude makes such a huge difference in the way my day unfolds. This makes it all the more puzzling when I’m in the midst of feeling sorry for myself, because I know my negative thoughts do nothing to help me cope.
With this third diagnosis has come a deepened sense of urgency in terms of making sure I’m living the life I really want to live. And sometimes even these feelings can create a sense of depression since it isn’t always easy to know you want/need to make changes and actually have the ability to make them happen as quickly as you would like.
As a result, I’m working daily on not being so hard on myself. I realize my body is still healing. I hadn’t realized the necessity of actually giving myself time to heal before I begin seriously attempting significant change.
During this process, I’ve had several “aha” moments. Some have involved introductions. A longtime friend wanted me to meet her new tenant. While I trust her judgment, I was baffled about the timing. The three of us met for lunch recently, and I was thrilled to learn this woman has actually co-produced a play. Since I’ve been intrigued by the idea of writing a play, I made a mental note to be open to meeting new people as both a way to get out of my funk and to perhaps learn how to realize a dream.
Another friend posted pictures from a recent one-woman play she saw during the Hollywood Fringe Festival. The play was called The Mermaid Who Learned How to Fly. While I have to admit, I wasn’t able to catch the play, what I did catch was the desire to start believing in myself again. Not only that, but in reading about the play, I learned about the Fringe Festival – which provides a venue for struggling artists to get their work seen.
In the midst of all this introspection and exploration, I stumbled across a great little video clip that has been making the rounds on Facebook lately:
Although the little girl in the video is now a teenager, her childhood affirmations came to me at exactly the right moment. I needed to remember how it feels to be innocent and have your whole life ahead of you. As a child, I used to do a lot of this same sort of posturing in front of our living room mirror (generally when my family was away so I didn’t have to hear my siblings comment on their crazy sister)!
Since watching the video, I’ve reminded myself daily to find something to be thankful for. It really isn’t difficult – you just have to wake up in the morning and say “thank you”! I have refrained from standing on the bathroom counter to conduct my affirmations because at my age, I’m pretty sure I’d bump my head on the ceiling, but if I’m having a particularly grumpy day – I just may find out!